


CROSSROADS

by lonelypond (Blinkkittylove)



Series: 1Kiss [5]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: 1Kiss AU, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 20:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10951716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blinkkittylove/pseuds/lonelypond
Summary: 1Kiss (NicoRinPana) has been on tour for 6 months, Nico and Maki's 5th anniversary is approaching and Maki finds herself struggling with both school and the absence of Nico. So she gets talked into going out with some schoolmates, which only makes the situation worse.





	CROSSROADS

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little more intense than the rest of the 1Kiss stories so far, but after finishing The Dance, I wanted to figure out if Maki grew up to to be a doctor and how music fit in. Plus, part of my goal with 1Kiss is to show multiple facets of the NicoMaki dynamic. So there might not be as much humor as usual, but you still get a playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLko9fiFcKQ07tDvCMh_jfi0rKNJ3OgpMB Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think in the comments.

LOST

1Kiss had been on tour for six months. Maki stared at their website. Winking and cheering for their fans were the grinning, vibrant faces of the three people closest to her in the world. Also the three people furthest from her in the world currently. Currently. Currently dancing their way across Canada, then swinging down to the US, then back to Europe. Another three months. While Maki sat here, alone, in classes, bored, useless, dreaming about … Maki shoved her textbooks into the laptop and stood, stomping, nearly screaming. She’d tried connecting with Nico tonight, but no response. And she’d been … out … last night, when they usually had their weekly catch up on everything call. One they’d never missed until yesterday. Well, Nico had been available …

Maki stopped, hands tearing through her hair. So much was racing through her head, and she hated not telling Nico. But Nico wasn’t here, and how could she explain it. Even through the laptop, the past few weeks, she’d seen it in Nico’s eyes, how worn out Nico was from Maki’s loneliness, the aching, the worries, the pit that Maki saw in front of her instead of a future. And as far as Maki could tell, Nico didn’t ache, didn’t tremble on the edge of a precipice, no, Nico was busy, active, happy, achieving her goals, losing any discontent in dance and busyness, and letting sharp, well-dressed reporters take her out to expensive restaurants for interviews.

Her phone. Her mother. Not a conversation Maki wanted to have. And a text message. Not from Nico, from … oh, Maki hung her head. After last night, she should have a headache, but instead, there just seemed to be anger throbbing in her skull, she just wasn’t sure what or who it was directed at. And Nico was in Toronto, probably being feted by someone who actually took the time to listen to her.

A knock, polite, then a pause and more determined. Maki groaned and opened the door. A very stern Umi stood on the sill, golden eyes concerned, umbrella dripping. Of course, it was a rainy day, all things ended in grey.

“Umi.” Maki stepped aside; Umi removed her boots and followed Maki into the apartment.

“Have you been on your computer?” Umi asked.

“Not really. Why,” Maki collapsed on her couch in front of her computer, back to disinterested.

“Kotori was right,” Umi muttered.

Maki’s head snapped up. “What did she say.”

Umi frowned. “That you needed to be hit upside the head by a dose of reality.”

Maki laid back. “Is that like rain? Will it drip on my floor like you?”

Umi ignored Maki, crouching in front of the laptop and typing, then she dumped the laptop on Maki’s chest.

Maki focused. There she was, last night at the club, in full color, oh God, she really did wear that dress, Nico-chan would kill her, and there was Yasu, sitting next to her, head on Maki’s very bare shoulder, shot glasses lined up in front of the bar, and then again, there they were on the dance floor, with Mi and Eiko ...

“They’re my classmates,” Maki explained.

“Studying hard, I see.” Umi found another page, which had a helpful written clue, “Nishikino heir takes over club for wild night with girlfriends.”

Maki sat up, placing the laptop back on the table, and spoke carefully. “Yasu was having trouble with her boyfriend. She needed a distraction and a sympathetic ear.”

Maki’s phone buzzed again. Her mother. She ignored it.

“I have a dear friend who is having trouble with a romantic partner as well.” Umi’s voice was sharp. “I talked to her last night because she was worried. And crying.” Umi sat next to Maki, “This is information I was forbidden to share with you,” Umi had a look worse than any sad puppy Rin had ever sent a pic of, “but you are also my friend.”

“Why did Nico-chan call you?” Maki felt a few old resentments simmer, even as she realized how ironic that might seem in this situation. But jealousy is a hard habit to break.

Umi never pulled any punches. “I believe she said she tried to call you.”

Maki’s phone vibrated again. Umi snatched it. “Possibly just as your mother is now.” Umi handed Maki the phone. Maki typed in her passcode.

“Mama, I can’t talk now. I’m sorry. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Maki listened for a moment. “No I’m not alone … no, not … Umi’s here.”

“What happened?” Umi poked.

Maki shrugged.

“Maki.” 

Maki closed her eyes, willing the tears not to start. “It’s just too much.”

“What is?”

“School, Nico being away, seeing her talk to people, flirt with everyone, sing … do EXACTLY what she’s always wanted while I’m …”

Umi was relentless. “While you’re ...”

“Here. I’m here. Stuck.” Maki stood and shoved the table with her shin. Umi recognized the temper flare and grabbed the laptop before Maki tossed it anywhere or put her bare foot through the screen.

“Ah.”

“You don’t understand,” Maki snarled.

Umi stood. “Honoka and Kotori spent two years in France.”

“It’s not the s …” Maki halted, still not entirely sure what the combination of Umi, Honoka and Kotori meant exactly. If Umi had been anyone else, she might have raised an eyebrow at Maki’s hesitation. As it was Umi, she just waited, solid and unquestioning until Maki continued, “I’m frustrated.”

“With Nico?” Umi prodded.

Maki shook her head and decided to grab a cold coffee from the fridge. Maybe that would cut off the headache that was actually starting. She couldn’t remember exactly what she’d drunk or said last night, she just had an empty, foreboding twist in her gut that Yasu now had more information about Maki and Nico than either of them would be comfortable with. What had possessed her? 

Umi repeated her question. “Are you frustrated with Nico?”

Maki banged her head into the closed door of the refrigerator, and decided to just be raw, it was how she felt anyway, and she might have told someone who was practically a stranger yesterday so why not share with a friend. “With not being able to to feel her breathing, to touch ...”

Umi was silent. Maki glanced to the side. Umi looked physically pained, but she whispered, “That’s what Nico said.”

Maki stood, shocked. “What do you mean?”

Umi couldn’t look Maki in the eye. “I asked Nico what she thought was wrong, and that’s what she said, that you were probably frustrated.”

Maki’s lip curled. “Because she isn’t …”

“Wrong.” Umi’s eyes were steady and warm but unyielding. “Do you know why Nico called me?”

Maki shrugged. Why care anymore.

“I’ve been helping her with meditation and designing workouts to deal with …” Umi twisted her hands, looking away again, “excess energy. We talk every couple of weeks. She seems to be enjoying rock climbing. Most hotel gyms have a wall.”

Maki’s jaw dropped. Nico had mentioned a while ago that Umi had helped her develop a workout program. Maki had puzzled over that for a few days, especially since 1Kiss had a personal trainer.

“Nico’s going to start learning kendo when she returns to Japan. She works very hard.” Umi sounded proud of her pupil. Maki was still processing.

“So neither of us is happy,” Maki concluded, after slowly working through Umi’s revelations.

Umi raised an eyebrow. “There is no single component to happiness.”

Maki popped the tab on the coffee and chugged it, the chill waking her up a little.

Maki’s phone rang. 1Kiss’s first Hot Chart topper, “Cute Girls Kiss.” Hanayo.

“That’s Hanayo.” Maki tossed the can aside. 

Umi nodded, resting a hand on Maki’s shoulder. “I’ll be going. I am available if you need to talk.”

“Thanks, Umi,” Maki smiled, a little.

Umi nodded. “You are welcome, my friend. Take care.”

Maki grabbed her phone. Hanayo had called again after getting the voicemail.

“Hello.” 

“Maki-chan!” Hanayo sounded relieved.

“I tried to call Nico-chan today,” Maki blurted out; Hanayo didn’t respond. “How is she?”

Maki heard Hanayo exhale, she imagined the lavender eyes looking concerned over glasses. “She’s mad. And confused and worried. Rin is trying to cheer her up. Rin and I are worried about both of you.”

Something about the gentleness is Hanayo’s tone triggered tears Maki had been holding in for she’d forgotten how long.

“Maki-chan?”

“Just don’t … ask … I’m sorry … I just … I can’t talk right now, Hanayo.”

There was a long silence. “Call Nico-chan.” And Hanayo ended the call.

Maki did. Some days, following simple directions was better than having to dive into a whirling, stormy, rock- and siren-strewn strait.

“Maki,” Nico’s very controlled voice lashed painfully across all the raw emotions digging tears down Maki’s cheeks. “Are you all right?”

“Y … yes.”

“Good.” Nico’s voice was so cold. “I don’t have time to talk right now. Try not to let photographers get shots of the next set of girls you have draped over you. The questions cut into our sound check.”

“Nico-chan …”

A knock, hard and persistent. Nico heard it. “Have a date?”

“No … of course not, I don’t know …” Maki looked confused, between the door and the phone.

 

“Answer the door, Maki-chan.” That was the tone Nico used when she thought Maki was being hopelessly inept. This minute Maki was proving her right. She went to the door.

“Mama?” Maki heard Nico chuckle in her ear as she stared at her mother, who looked stern.

Nico snorted. “Call me back when you’re not grounded,” and she ended the call. Maki’s mother swept into the room.

“Was that Nico?” Accusations hovered. 

Maki nodded. Nothing was going to help with the headache. Certainly not anyone she knew. And who else would show up next. Cocoro? Oh … Maki felt a bit pale.

“Maki?” Her mother put a hand around her daughter’s waist, noticing the sudden shakiness.

“I have to go to the Yazawas for dinner.”

Her mother’s smile was grim. “Well, at least you’ll stay sober.”

“Mama!”

“Care to explain yourself?”

Maki opted for a kitchen chair. Her mother sat across from her.

“It was a late study session. Yasu was having boyfriend troubles, I was …”

“Missing Nico.”

“Yes.”

Her mother put a hand over Maki’s. “You know that’s not a solution.”

“There isn’t a solution.” No one was giving Maki any time to think. And she didn’t want to.

“Do you have class?”

Her phone said she’d missed her exam. “No.”

“Do you want to talk about anything?” 

“No.”

“Do you want a plane ticket to …” her mother hesitated.

“Toronto.” Maki finished the sentence without having to think about it, and then met her mother’s worried eyes. Was this some kind of a fever, this aching feeling of being without Nico, would it go away in time, was there a cure?

“Well?” There was no sympathy in her mother’s glance.

Maki put her head on the table; the tiles felt cool. Nico had vetoed Kotori’s choice of wood and made Maki buy a table with nature scenes brushstroked across ceramic tiles. She’d been surprised by Nico’s choice but loved it. “No.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know.”

Her mother patted her hair. “When were you last happy?”

Maki’s response was, once again, automatic. “Touring with Nico.”

“Do you just want to follow Nico around?” Her mother sounded curious, not disappointed. That was unexpected.

“No.” Maki raised her head, energy coming back, “It was … we explored, we sat next to each other on trains, looked up cool museums, stared at different stars, Nico told me everything about her days, she set up master classes for me in practically every city, we curled up on sofas together watching silly things, I played pia …” Maki felt energy charging. “There was music.”

“Right.” Her mother nodded, a suspicion confirmed. “Have you eaten?”

Maki shook her head.

“Get changed. Let’s go get some food in you.”

“Okay, Mama.” Almost meek.

Her mother hugged her daughter impulsively as soon as Maki stood, before she could flee.

“Mama!” Maki struggled.

But Nishikino-sama refused to release her daughter. “You need to talk to Nico.”

Maki chuckled a little. “She said to call after I was done being grounded.”

No amusement tinged her mother’s voice. “You’re not 16. Don’t act like it.”

 

Cocoro glared, Cocoa was still for the first time Maki had ever seen, and her question was subdued. ‘Is your new girlfriend prettier than Nico?”

Oh gods, Maki would have prefered to face Nico’s phalanx of paparazzi. Nico’s mom stood at the end of the hallway, arms crossed, waiting.

“N … no …” Cocoro and Cocoa continued to present an unyielding wall of Yazawa disdain. Maki straightened up. “They were only my classmates.” Maki held out a box of extremely expensive French pastries. “I brought dessert.”

The younger Yazawa sisters turned in unison and went into what used to be Nico’s room, closing the door before Maki could say anything else. Inside, it was still aggressively pink, although most of the pillows had migrated to Maki’s apartment. Their exit left Nico’s mom. And a very very heavy silence.

“I regret that Cocoa and Cocoro saw those pictures.”

“Wouldn’t it be wiser to regret being in that situation?” Deceptively mild, not a safe question to directly respond to, Maki knew.

“I intend to avoid similar situations in the future.” 

“Good.” Nico’s mom tapped a foot, “My daughter is very upset. She thought better of you. So did I.”

Her own mother had said something similar. Maki had thought it herself, staring in the mirror, seeing a near stranger, before heading out for this dinner. She had once thought better of herself. She had once felt in control. There had once been cool breezes, and Spring days, not stormy, drenched emotional avalanches.

“Maki?” Nico’s mom sounded worried. Everyone sounded worried. Except Nico. Nico had sounded livid.

Honesty. Default to that. At least then everyone would know where she was. “It’s been hard.”

There was a small flare of sympathy mixed in a swell of sadness in bright crimson eyes.

“Nico’s been trying; I’ve been trying, but I don’t explain things very well. And I know she’s getting discouraged because I keep …” Maki palmed the wall, but not hard enough to disturb the girls inside Nico’s room. “I keep getting low.”

Another silence, but then Yazawa-sama came toward Maki, taking the box out of her hand, “Cotarou has a new game to show you. He’s been waiting.” A pause. “And Nico never gives up on anything she loves. You know that as well as anyone.”

Maki felt the tears again, but this time they were a cooling relief, not another fever symptom.

 

NO SLEEP FOR NICO

Maki tried again, a third time. Nico’s phone had gone to voicemail. Maki quickly did the time difference; thirteen hours behind, Nico had had to travel back to Toronto after a concert, she’d probably still be asleep.

And there it was, Nico’s voice, grumbling and sleepy. “Maki-chan, Nico needs sleep.”

Maki opened her mouth to say “I”m sorry” or “Are you mad” or anything, but nothing came out.

“Maki-chan? Are you there?” Nico yawned. “Is this a prank call?”

Maki still got nothing out, Nico’s sounded like she was going back to sleep. “If you want to talk, or cry, or break up, text Nico, please. Nico will read it when she’s awake.”

“N … No ...” Maki yelped.

“You mean Nico. You have my number.” And the call cut off.

Maki stared at her phone. Even for asleep Nico, a person Maki had probably too much experience talking to, that had been cold. Talking to Nico without Nico here was impossible. Nico was hard enough to read. And she was angry. And when Nico was angry, she shut down. And Maki just wanted to hug Nico and never let go. Sure, next week, Maki planned to fly to Canada, to meet Nico for their fifth anniversary. But at this rate, it would be a nonevent. Text something, anything to Nico, Nishikino, she ordered herself. Communicate.

M: (´･_･`) Sorry about the call; I just wanted to hear your voice. And talk to you. About being an idiot ((_　_* I love you, Nico-chan ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) I miss you (⋟﹏⋞)

M: That’s about me being an idiot ●﹏●. Nico-chan is wonderful (★≧▽^))★☆

A reply text.

N: Call Rin if it’s an emergency. (｡v_v｡)

“Call Rin if it’s an emergency.” Maki stared at the screen. She was scared. Was that an emergency? Maki sat on her couch, staring … was there a song for this? Shuffle. Beverly “I Need Your Love” Universe getting in a gut punch on a bad night. Might as well turn up the volume. Maki threw herself back into the couch, the ceiling her new target, trying to picture Nico, to remember what lying next to Nico felt like, what laughter was … why had she gone out last night? To get someone to pay attention? To get Nico to pay attention? Well, that had the opposite effect. Nico was throwing up walls. Or was Maki just bored … and dangerously, recklessly tired of the same nights, the same conversations, the same worries and aches. The repetitive solitude. Now she was crying again. Pointless. No one to notice the tears. And Nico across an ocean, growing colder.

Maki sat up as the song looped again. Nico would be in Toronto for the next couple of days, 1Kiss was using it as their base as they toured that region. Time to get on a flight and see Nico. It had been too long.

 

BAD TIMING

Rin had told her this was a bad idea, twice. And texted her. ALL CAPS. Maki didn’t care. She’d left her luggage in her suite at The Hazelton, changed into a nearly see-through shirt she knew Nico found irresistible, threw a hoodie over it, tucked her tailored trousers into boots and flashed ID at security at the concert venue. Nico-chan’s dressing room, check. Now to wait. Rin had said this was their biggest crowd ever, made sense with Toronto’s rep as a diverse, multicultural hub. Maki had enjoyed visiting here once with her parents and looked forward to exploring it with Nico, if she could … Maki sat in front of the makeup mirrors and noticed a frame with a picture of herself, taken at the beach last year, that she didn’t recognize. Maybe that meant Nico hadn’t gone completely ...

The door opened, and Maki recognized the exhausted sigh. 

She stood. “Nico-chan!”

“W … w … what …” Nico spluttered. Her costume, what little of it there was, clung to her, sweat was dripping off the tip of her nose, her eyes were brilliant rubies held siege by tired red lines, and her lips … Maki couldn’t help staring. And then Nico was right in her face, finger shaking under Maki’s nose, and all Maki could feel was amazement that Nico was so close, smelled so good, and Maki stepped forward, a move Nico anticipated from a familiar glazed over look in the amethyst eyes. Nico dodged, and Maki stumbled.

“You can’t be here, Maki-chan. No one can be in Nico’s dressing room after a concert. Nico needs her space.” Nico’s jaw was so tight Maki was surprised not to hear teeth being ground down. “That’s how rumors start.”

Maki knew what that was a dig about as Nico muttered, “Nico is going to have a long talk with Rin and security.”

“I’m sorry, Nico-chan.”

Nico shook her head. “Nico doesn’t want apologies. Nico wants you to be somewhere else. Tokyo, where you’re supposed to be. Or in your apartment, when you’re supposed to be, talking to Nico.”

“I”m here now. Talk to me.” Maki felt like dropping to her knees, surely Nico must see the plea in her eyes.

“No.” Nico turned away.

Maki pulled the smaller woman into an embrace. “Scream at me if you want, Nico-chan.”

Nico froze in Maki’s arms, and as soon as the redhead gave up and released the embrace, she stepped back, arm slicing through the air between them.

“This is Nico’s biggest concert ever, best concert ever, audience crazy for Nico, and she can’t enjoy it because Maki is in Tokyo with women crawling all over her, except Maki’s in Toronto, NOT LISTENING TO NICO.”

Maki’s eyes were wide. She’d seen Nico angry before, but this Nico didn’t seem to have any warmth left at all. It was all cold, loud rage. 

“N … Nico … I never … I’m s … Nico-chan …” Maki floundered, then found something to save the moment, “I just needed to see you.”

“Hmmpphh.” Nico glared, reaching behind her to tear off her mic pack, throwing it at Maki, then came her heels. “You need to see Nico, how much of Nico do you want to see …” And then her arms went up, and her shirt … Maki fled to the hall, chest tight, breathing impossible, brain stalled.

“Maki-chan?” Hanayo’s voice was a softness in the echoing confusion. She and Rin had a furtive aura, caught lurking.

Maki’s eyes looked lost. “Nico-chan hates me.”

“Yeah,” Rin agreed, Hanayo frowning at her. Then there was the sound of something slamming in Nico’s dressing room.

“Someone who hates you wouldn’t be that upset,” Hanayo offered, sliding her arm through Rin’s.

“So she’s mad?” This was galaxies beyond any previous rage level.

Rin and Hanayo exchanged a look and then Hanayo spoke. “She’s hurt. And scared. And worried. We all are. Nico looks forward to your call every week … and she thought something had happened to you. And then ...”

Maki felt queasy. One impulsive decision, so many ripples, so much hurt. Another slam. Rin shook her head at Maki. “And Nico’s mad. Really really mad. So mad.”

“Want to wait in our dressing room?” Hanayo was ever kind. Maki appreciated the offer, but Nico was going to have to go through her to get anywhere else. They had to talk.

Maki sat next to the door, knees pulled up to her chest. “I’ll wait here.”

Hanayo nodded; Rin chopped her on the head. “Don’t be a jerk, Maki-chan. We love Nico-chan.”

“So do I.” 

 

ATTENTION

Maki might have nodded off, but just for a moment. Nodded off, but never got comfortable. How could she get comfortable when Nico was on the other side of the door, as furious as Maki had ever seen, because Maki had shown up. Maki leaned back against the wall, stretching her arms, listening for Nico. And the door ripped open, and Nico stomped by and a duffle bag as large as the Idol thumped into Maki’s shins.

“Do you have a car? Nico is starved,” Nico hissed. Maki grabbed the duffle and raced after Nico. She took Nico’s arm and guided her to the door.

“It’s been waiting.”

The concierge had arranged a driver and a nicely sportif car that fit the Toronto downtown aesthetic. Maki figured Nico didn’t need a limo screaming “look at me.” Since 1Kiss had actually started having fans who came up to them on the streets in nearly every city they visited, Nico had become a little more appreciative of privacy protections.

Maki opened the car door, and Nico slid inside. She put Nico’s bag on the front seat and greeted the driver, “Back to the Hazelton, please.”

“Of course, Ms. Nishikino.”

Nico had her arms crossed over her chest, staring out the window and refusing to look at Maki. Maki slid an iPad across Nico’s lap and handed the Idol her phone. “There’s the menu. Order whatever you want, even if it’s not listed, and have them bring it up to the Bellair Suite.”

Nico turned, her eyes wide for a moment, then she “hmmpphed” and turned her attention to the menu.

“The desserts are excellent. And they’ll deliver breakfast if you want it.”

“Nico can read,” Nico grunted.

Maki pressed against the door, giving Nico space, and watched couples walking down the relaxed sidewalks, wondering if she and Nico would ever be that casual together again.

Nico placed her order, but Maki was too lost in thought to pay attention. What had brought her here? Why had she agreed to go out with Yasu? A reckless mood, the kind that surged when her outlook was dark, nothing was challenging her, and nobody was there to … Nico, when Nico wasn’t there to be Nico. Vexed, physical frustrations too closely mixed with this feeling she kept getting, that nothing was resonating and medical school was a labyrinth leading away from everything and everyone she loved. Her mother had pressed the “did she see her future at the hospital” question, and Maki had for the first time demurred. Not because she couldn’t see her future taking over the family business, but because she couldn’t sense a path forward into that future at all. She could easily see the white lab coat and the clean floors and the fluorescent lighting that would make her eyes twitch from too many late nights, but she couldn’t feel herself taking the step forward into that hallway, some echo behind her turning the present into stone she couldn’t carve her way free of. 

The car stopped. Nico hopped out. Maki pulled Nico’s bag out of the seat and swallowed, best to make no assumptions. “Thank you. Ms. Yazawa may require a ride back to her hotel.”

The driver nodded. “Just let the concierge know.”

Maki slung Nico’s bag over her shoulder. Nico was wearing a cute pink and black over-sized varsity jacket with a 1Kiss logo on the back and pink Chuck Taylors. 

“I’m on the fourth floor.”

Nico followed silently, until they got to the room. When they got to the first sitting room and Nico saw through to the second, she whistled. “This is big enough for me, Hanayo-chin, Rin-chan, and the rest of the crew.”

“There’s only one bed,” Maki said automatically as she placed Nico’s duffle on a couch, and turned to see Nico’s eyes flash at her.

“Nico will take that car now.”

Maki felt herself flushing. “I … I didn’t … I know … I wouldn’t …”

“Good.” Nico sat on the end of a tan couch, staring wistfully out a window at the night sky.

“There’s a balcony, if you want to see the skyline. And a kitchenette. That’s why I picked this suite,” Maki explained rapidly.

“So you could cook?” Nico didn’t even turn to raise an eyebrow at Maki, but her tone was dubious enough to get the message across.

“N … no.” Maki stepped into the other room. “I’ll check on your food.”

Nico had ordered more than enough food for both of them, so they sat at the table, opposite each other, chewing slowly, no words to share. Nico really was starved, Maki thought, noticing as the color came back to Nico’s cheeks.

“Is this show more difficult than the last?” Maki wondered, forgetting for a moment there was a reason for the weight of silence between them. 

Nico looked up from her cookies and milkshake, startled.

“I haven’t gotten to see a performance yet,” Maki admitted.

Nico’s lip was a snarl. “Right, Maki-chan was too busy being a diligent student to pay attention to how hard Nico works.” 

Maki’s voice had a tremor. “You were a continent away while I had school. And my break is about to start.”

“From Nico?” Nico pushed the shake away and crumbled the cookie.

Maki felt like slamming her head into the table. “From school. Not from Nico.”

“It looked like a break from Nico to me.” Nico’s pace was matter of fact, her tone frigid.

Maki stood, discouraged by bashing uselessly at Nico’s emotional fortress, hands gesturing wildly in the air. Balcony. Door. Fresh air, she needed fresh air, and space, and a minute to think if they were going to have this talk with Nico in sniper mode. But Nico wouldn’t give her that minute.

Nico stood, her voice finally afire with the emotions she’d been tamping down. “Tell me, Maki-chan. Why? Were you that lonely?”

“No!” Maki yelled. “NO!” A moment, a huge breath, and then right back at Nico, throwing all her own emotions into a desperate parry. “I wasn’t lonely. I wasn’t attracted. I was just … I just …” she felt the damn tears starting again, “I was just lost, Nico-chan.”

“So you don’t call Nico AND you went out in your sexiest dress with not one but three women Nico doesn’t know. Did you find anything?” Nico was small, and coiled, and fierce, all the astounding Nico Ni energy and charisma hammered into a perilous, cutting edge.

Maki stepped out on the balcony, tempted to close the doors behind her and just scream. She deserved this, Nico had a right to ask all those questions, but it wasn’t anything about anybody else … it was about this feeling, this empty, this inability to express herself. She found the fingers of her left hand in front of her, slamming through the air as if she were seated at a piano. A tune in her head. Ravel. Slamming through “The Left Hand.” The start. The darkness. She needed the release. And a piano, not a damn kitchenette. And she needed Nico.

Nico was in the door of the balcony, chic in black shorts and an off-the-shoulder white lace tunic, one hand on her hip, one resting against the doorframe. The picture was one Maki had been dreaming about for months. Nico was breathtaking. And heartbreaking. Maki couldn’t touch her. Couldn’t reach for her again. Maki couldn’t articulate her feelings, physical expressions were too inexact. Not touching Nico was too painful. Nico was so close, sharp angles and soft curves glowing in the light, silky hair blowing in the wind, her sweet, sweaty, fruity smell a pull, but her eyes had no welcome or warmth. All crimson challenge, a challenge Maki was no longer prepared to meet. A challenge Maki was no longer worthy of.

Maki glanced away from Nico’s intensity, arms wrapped tightly around her own torso, holding everything together for just another minute, until she could flee. “I’ll get another room. Or you can call for a car. I’m sorry I interrupted your night. It was good to see you.”

And tears. End scene. Rush past the woman you can’t bear to either be near or apart from and then practically fall to your knees when she puts out a gentle hand to stop you.

“Maki-chan.” It was a demand. “Tell me.”

Maki had dipped to Nico’s eye level in her moment of collapse. The ruby gems were dark, a mix of emotions too intense for Maki to process behind their shadows. Nico’s hands were under Maki’s arms, and the small woman pulled her inside, to the couch. She settled Maki down and then sat catty-corner next to her, legs tucked under.

“Tell me,” Nico urged.

Maki rubbed her eyes. “My mom asked me if I just wanted to follow you around.” Maki’s eyes impressed on Nico the urgency and truth of her next statement. “I don’t.” A breath. “Well, I do want to be with you … but it wasn’t just that.’

Nico nodded, still listening. Maki pushed her hands into her the couch at her sides. One barely brushed Nico’s knee, but Nico remained steady. The weight on Maki’s heart lightened. 

“I hate school.” Maki just said it. Out loud. For the first time.

“Wh … what?” Nico shook herself, shocked.

Maki turned, and spoke louder. “I hate school.”

Nico tilted her head, cautious. “Does Maki-chan not want to be a doctor?”

Maki breathed out, rapidly and loudly. “I don’t know …”

Nico’s voice was gentle. “Did you tell your mom?”

Maki felt the tears again. “N … No.”

Nico hesitated. “Did you tell your ‘friends’ while Nico was worrying about you?”

Maki stared at Nico, surprised by the cynicism in Nico’s voice.

“N … no, Nico-chan. I don’t even remember anything I talked about. I just wanted … to not talk for once.”

“You looked like you were saying a lot,” Nico drew her hands together, pulling back.

That was it. Nico was never going to get past whatever she thought Maki had done. Maki propelled herself from the couch, heading for the door. She couldn’t go through this over and over, all night, throwing herself at Nico’s defenses. And then Nico caught her, arms as strong as Maki remembered, and Maki stopped, overtaken by sensation and hope.

“What do you want, Maki-chan?” Suddenly, Nico only sounded curious, her head pressed into Maki’s back as she tightened her embrace. Maki felt herself relax, just a start to the thaw. And then everything came out in a flood.

“You. Music. Freedom. Not stupid classes and stupid teachers and people who want to know all about me. And you. I just …” Maki couldn’t be still any longer.

Nico, arms still around Maki’s waist, walked Maki to the table. “Nico will make tea. Maki can keep talking. Nico will listen. Or Nico will not listen if Maki doesn’t want to talk.”

Maki let Nico sit her down. She was shaking. Nico kept her arms wrapped around Maki’s shoulders, whispering, “But I’ll be right here, Maki-chan. It’s okay. Nico loves you.”

“Nico-chan.” The sobs started, and Nico pulled Maki’s chair around so she could hold the hysterical redhead, continuing to murmur endearments into Maki’s hair.

Then there was calm. Nico was kneeling on the ground in front of Maki’s chair, forearms resting on Maki’s thighs. “Maki-chan,” she urged, her voice tender.

“I … I’m sorry.” Maki stared over Nico’s shoulder.

Nico giggled. “Maki-chan is cute even like this. Nico is just glad to be the one Maki is crying on.”

Maki grabbed Nico and pulled her onto her lap, hugging the air out of Nico.

“MAKI! Nico needs those ribs. I have a show tomorrow.”

Maki refused to let go, although she did ease her grip.

Nico put both hands on Maki’s cheeks and pulled her in for a lingering kiss before chirping cheerfully, “The Number One Idol in the Universe has a genius for a girlfriend. We can figure this out.”

Maki wasn’t really listening, her head buzzing and her lips tingling. Nico recognized the fugue state and stood up. “Maki-chan, Nico is making tea, Maki-chan is talking, telling Nico what’s been going on without Nico, then there will be more kissing.”

Maki grabbed Nico’s hand. “Promise, Nico-chan?” 

Nico grinned, “Guaranteed.” Nico kissed the palm of her lover’s hand, and Maki took a deep breath as Nico started filling the electric kettle at the sink. “Go wash your face, Princess, you’ll feel better. Then Nico will rescue you again.”

Maki nodded. Cold water would help. And maybe the balcony. “Bring the tea outside?”

Nico saluted with a wink. “You got it, Maki-chan.”

 

RELEASE

Nico took longer than expected, but she also brought out the leftover doughnuts. “Eat something, Maki-chan.”

Maki didn’t really like the sweet, but food made her feel a little less shaky. “Thanks, Nico-chan.”

Nico nodded, her tone serious. “So now that you’re a fugitive from Tokyo, what are you going to do?” 

Maki sniggered. “I am not a fugitive, Nico-chan.”

“Here you are, on another continent, hiding from school. And cute girls. Because you know Nico will protect you.” Nico leaned back against the balcony, hands on her hips, chest proudly puffed out.

Maki chuckled. Laughing was so much better than crying. “They aren’t cute. Nico-chan defines cute. But Nico-chan always does save me.”

Nico’s nod of acknowledgement was quick, and she pecked Maki on the cheek as a reward before sitting in the other chair. “You used to love school.”

Maki-chan shrugged. “School was something you had to do. It was okay. And then there was μ's.” 

Maki had such a sweet smile remembering μ's that Nico fell in love with the hidden sweetness of an imposing, impossible-to-ignore stranger all over again. “Third year must have been tough, eh, Maki-chan?”

“I had cram school and exams to study for … it passed.” Maki lowered her head, trying not to sink back into memories of solitude and sadness. But then Nico’s voice threw her a lifeline.

“Do you want to be a doctor?”

Maki leaned back, staring intently into the sky as if to divine an answer from the stars. “I like the hospital. I grew up there. I want to help people.”

Nico’s comments were gentle, trail signs to help Maki find her way out of darkness. “Maki knows Nico helps people. Besides Maki-chan.”

Maki reached out a hand, squeezing Nico’s. “Nico-chan is the best, always wanting to make people happy.”

“You can too.”

“How, Nico-chan? Write songs for 1Kiss? Idol music makes people smile, it doesn’t actually heal them.” Maki did miss writing for Nico and 1Kiss occasionally, but she’d been happy to move on to new adventures when college had started.

No one should sound that weary at 20, Nico decided. No wonder Maki had tried and -- being Maki -- failed miserably at a wild night on the town. Hanayo had done better when she turned 20, Nico still shuddered at the memory of the look on Rin’s face when a drunk and dizzy Hanayo had bumped into one of her favorite Idols at an afterparty. Rin and Nico had been roommates for a few nights after that.

“First of all, Maki-chan,” Nico stood, perching on the balcony edge and facing Maki, “Nico’s smile and voice DO have healing powers. Don’t insult Nico. You know better.”

Maki muttered something, eyes half closed. Nico decided not to push the redhead on that point. She’d get an apology later. The thought made her grin, dangerously, and Maki began to look wary.

“Isn’t dead guy music good for your brain?” Nico wondered. Maki knew the “dead guy music” reference was her fault, from what seemed like a very long time ago, but Nico had latched onto it far too strongly. “It always puts Nico to sleep.” Then Nico posed dramatically, finger in front of pursed lips. “But didn’t Nico read somewhere that music therapy helps depressed patients and stroke victims get better?”

“Classical music and music therapy are two different things. Too many people think music therapy is just entertainment and has no clinical value.”

“Can’t Maki-chan do both? Help people with songs instead of scalpels? Change people’s minds?” 

Maki leaned forward, flummoxed. “I don’t know, Nico-chan. I never thought about it.”

“Well,” Nico stretched out her arms, lacing her fingers together, “Maki-chan can take some time to consider Nico's insightful suggestion. Nico will be here to consult.”

Maki hmmmmed and nodded. Nico sat opposite, watching Maki’s amethyst eyes slowly regain their sparkle as ideas danced across them. Then she leapt, sitting across Maki, pushing the redhead back into her chair. “But for now, Nico-chan needs someone to carry her bag for the rest of the tour. Want a job?”

Maki grinned, her heart doing flips in her chest, her lips moving closer to Nico’s. “I’m terribly expensive.”

The sigh in response was dramatic, and, of course, perfectly suited the mood, “Nico knows.” Nico leaned in, one hand tracing a line down the front of Maki’s shirt. “And Maki knows Nico finds that shirt terribly tantalizing.”

Maki shivered as Nico’s hand roughly brushed across a breast. “Nico-chan’s vocabulary is impressive.”

Nico’s hand slid under the shirt, her mouth hovering near Maki’s ear. “Nico has had far too much time to think about Maki.” Nico’s fingers began deftly unbuttoning, as Maki found herself straining to get closer to Nico, but then both Nico’s hands were stroking lightning over Maki’s skin, and the stars were spinning, and Maki was collapsing back into the chair, Nico’s agile lips a sharp, spiking pleasure as they darted from lips to throat to shoulder and back.

“Nico-chan,” Maki gasped as Nico’s knee slid into the chair, Nico leaning her weight into a kiss that dissolved Maki into waves storming against Nico, who met every surge with renewed vigor. They were going to be on the ground soon, rolling up against the balcony wall, Maki knew, and she was going to be screaming Nico’s name so loud it could be heard over the crash of Niagara Falls, and then Nico pulled her up, and somehow Maki fell through three rooms into a bed and Nico was there, everywhere, hands and lips and legs and …

 

Nico-chan … Maki sat straight up, silky sheet draped over most of her, suddenly awake and fearful that none of tonight had happened. But she felt Nico, right there, solid, next to her, one eye open.

“Maki-chan?”

“Sorry. Just a bad dream.”

Nico nodded, patting the bed next to her. “Come back to sleep, Maki-chan. I missed holding you.”

Maki stared down at Nico, black hair across her eyes, half a sleepy smile. “I love you, Nico-chan.”

“I love you.” Nico reached up and pulled Maki down into a kiss.

Maki remembered something and hesitated. “Nico-chan?”

“Yes?”

“Umi and Honoka and Kotori … what exactly … Umi said …”

Nico looked more awake -- and cautious. “Nico-chan will explain it when Maki is older.”

“Nico-chan,” Maki chided her lover.

“Nico needs her beauty sleep.” Nico closed her eyes.

Maki grabbed a pillow, trying to sound threatening. “Nico-chan.”

Maki thought Nico had fallen asleep again, but suddenly Nico’s arms were around her waist, and Maki found herself, once again, pushed into the bed, Nico’s eyes a fiery mix of mischief and thirst. “Fine, If Maki won’t let Nico sleep, Nico will do other things.”

“Nico-chan …” Maki couldn’t look away, breathless and melting again. And then Nico leaned in, kissing her, and that feeling came back, the flood of confidence and surety, as she and Nico crashed into each other, a crescendo of motion and inspiration and love.


End file.
